Am I Really That Big?

Am I really that big?  The answer five years ago was yes. I was pregnant, but carrying a lot of weight. When I got pregnant with my first child I was about 10 pounds overweight.  Nothing that put me in the obese category, but my suits were fitting a little more snugly and required the wearing of Spanx.

Once I was pregnant, I thought this is great I will be able to eat whatever I want during these nine months and deal with the weight loss after.  I ran into a significant problem during my pregnancy because prior to I was a full fledged Weight Watcher devotee.  Back in those days the emphasis was on keeping your points low regardless of nutritional content.  I realize that while my weight was low on Weight Watchers, my diet was poor and filled with artificial foods. As an adult I never learned proper nutrition, which is the key to lasting weight loss and probably a good idea to have a working knowledge of when pregnant.   Since I was concerned with the life I was growing, I made a decision to eschew all things that had artificial sweetener and replaced them with the regular versions which resulted in a lot of sugar and calories.

During this time, I was working as an attorney for the Department of Corrections and commuting into work via bus and train.  I was stressed and nauseous most of the time so I ate a lot of bagels. Thank you Finagle a Bagel for being located in my office building, I think you contributed to a significant amount of my weight gain.  I didn't think I was eating unhealthy per se, a bagel with reduced fat cream cheese and a side of fruit.   Perhaps I wasn't, but I was eating way too much and not moving enough.  I kept my gym membership and occasionally hit up the elliptical and took lunchtime walks around Boston with my work colleagues but I really wasn't doing enough to offset the amounts I was eating.

I rationalized that I was pregnant and that most of it must be the baby and water weight.  I wasn't really that big, people told me I looked good. Plus there were others around me that clearly weighed more,  so what was the problem? I had this really irritating nurse practitioner who pointed out I gained too much weight on every visit.  After one visit, she filled out a referral for a nutritionist.  It was horrifying, I remember standing in front of Lens Crafters on Boylston Street sobbing on the phone to my husband.  What was I supposed to do now, go on a diet at 6 months pregnant?

I was more than a little annoyed that this lady was taking the buzz out of the all you can eat buffet that is supposed to be pregnancy.  I sought the comfort and solace of my work crew, they assured me I looked fine and not overly ginormous. I tried to make better decisions, but I knew I was struggling with how to adapt my previous sugar-free,fat-free artificial diet to a healthier diet.

Things got way worse,  I went to my 7 month check up on the Friday before Patriots Day.  I was excited to cut out of work a little early on a long weekend and had plans to catch up with friends on Monday and watch the Boston Marathon. On this visit, the nursing assistant checked and rechecked my blood pressure.  Her face became rather serious and she got my nurse practitioner.  I was told effective immediately I was on bed rest.  My blood pressure was too high and they didn't want it to develop into preeclampsia.  I immediately panicked, but thought after a weekend of rest it would be fine when they rechecked it on Tuesday.  Tuesday came and my blood pressure was still high.  I was told that I could not return to work and warned the risks of developing full blown preeclampsia and what that meant for me and the baby.

I was really angry at myself at that point for not paying more attention to what I ate during the first and second trimesters.  I often felt guilty that I could have avoided putting myself and my child in danger because I wasn't more careful about what and more importantly how much I ate.  I made a promise to myself and to my unborn child that I would eat a healthy diet and exercise.  This wasn't about vanity, it was about health.  My failure to adhere to a healthy diet and exercise plan was negligent but if I continued on that path it would truly be reckless.

I will write a few more posts on how I made small but significant changes in my diet and exercise and lost 70 pounds in one year.   I can tell you that by my daughter's first birthday I weighed less than the weight I was when I became pregnant.  If you want to make a change you can do it, but it takes effort and it is not easy.

Have you had a health wakeup call yet? If so, what did you do change your path?